2 pounds turkey testicles
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce
hog lard (cooking oil can be substituted)

Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each "oyster." (Use a sharp knife) You can also remove the skin easily if the "oysters" are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour to remove some of the blood and drain. Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float "oysters" and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let cool and slice each "oyster" into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced "oyster" to taste.

Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture. Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust).

Place into hot cooking oil.

Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it'll sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get).
Enjoy or seek help. Whichever...