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Thread: Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

  1. #1

    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    When my husband and I take our children (32 month son, 8 month daughter) to my in-laws house I usually come home feeling a bit contentious. Some of my husband's younger siblings (23 year-old disabled brother, 18 year-old brother, 15 year-old sister) still live at "home" so my son tends to spend his time wandering around the house playing with different people. My daughter is teething so she doesn't like me to be very far away while she plays, and she very rarely likes anyone other than myself, my husband, or my son (with help) to hold her (this probably has something to do with my being a stay at home mommy...my children very rarely get baby-sat). While we are there, most of my time is spent paying card games with my (disables) brother-in-law, or tending to my little sweetie dressed in pink. Although my husband spends most of the time just sitting around on the couch watching TV/movies or talking with his parents, his mother addresses EVERY question or concern about my son to me.my mother-in-law does this reguardless of what I or my husband are doing, and will do this for any question (including very simple ones that oviously my husband would be able to help with such as whether our son would rather have chocalate pudding pie or bananna pudding pie), or asking me to help my son do something like get a drink. I have asked my husband to be more aware of this and to try to handle things if I am busy, which he has made an effort to do. But Unfortunately that hasn't solved the problem because if I happen to be in a bedroom playing a game and my husband is in the livingroom not doing much, my mother-in-law will come into the bedroom and get my attention with her concern which often times does interupt the game (and if I have to walk past where my daughter is playing happily and she sees me, she usually gets upset and fusses until I get her which makes completing a game a little inconveinent.When my mother-in-law comes into other rooms to find me my husband doesn't know who she is going in to talk to or what she needs until after she has already gotten me to take care of whatever it was. I don't mind her asking a parent before my son gets a drink or a snack when he asks, but why does it always have to be me? I mean, my husband is finishing school and working full-time right now so he isn't home very much, but he does know how to take care of our children, and he would be able to ask me if he needed to. She may be trying to give my husband a break/a chance to relax, but as I said he isn't home very much right now, so it would just be giving him more opportunities to be act like a daddy. What can I do about this situation? How can I (and./or my husband) talk to her about this without being hurtful or offending her? (Her children still ask to get snacks for themselves out of the kitchen, so it seems to be in her nature to have children be very dependable on parents.)

  2. #2
    Probationary RHF Member LLL's Avatar
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    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    Tell you husband you need more help when you are at his parents house. Have him listen up and the next time your MIL directs concern to you he can jump in and handle it. The other option would be for you to ask your husband to handle it in front of your MIL so she can get the message you are equally responsible for the kids.

  3. #3
    Probationary RHF Member LOU's Avatar
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    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    well at least she's trying to be helpful... why don't you see if you can leave the kids and him w/ family and go get a pedicure and then meet up w/ them so you can start with a new fresh outlook on the situation when you get there. Also you will have cute toes!!Come on ....you deserve it right... then he can watch the kids and when you get there you can watch the kids.

  4. #4

    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    I'm not quite sure what your question is here. Are you bothered by your MIL's questions in general or by certain questions she asks? Is she rude or condesending? She may just automatically come to you with concerns or questions because you are the primary caregiver to your kids. As a stay-at-home mom, that's the role you play in your family. You shouldn't address you MIL directly, but rather have a talk with your hubby about your concerns and tell him how HE can help the situation next time. If you need him to talk to his mom then he should do it, not you. My rule is, it's the childs (your husband) job to deal with problems with his family and your job to deal with issues with your family. Hope this helps, even though I wasn't sure what the true problem was.

  5. #5

    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    Well she might just want to be closer to you and thats the way she does it. Maybe you should very nicely tell her that her son can care for the children too. He prob just feels at home and depends on his mom to do everything for him, as she is expecting you to do. You might have to stop what you're doing and go ask your husband to do whatever his mom is asking of you. Maybe she'll stop asking you all the time or do it herself. When guys are around their moms they tend to turn into little boys again. You just have to remind him he's your husband and father to the kids now. If his mom gets upset, just let her know nicely that he takes care of them too. I always try to talk to my dil about my grandkids because usually mothers know more about whats going on with the little ones than dad does. Remember she was mom and she's prob trying to be your mom too. Let her know you love her......hopefully you do........and tell her to ask him sometimes.

  6. #6

    Can you give me some advice about my mother-in-law?

    I got one of these !! Sounds just like my mil and hubby ! What I started doing, is just pulling a dumb/confused act. When she comes and asks you if little Timmy would like chocolate or vanilla, just stare blankly into space for a minute and then say "god, hmm i dunno, i will let hubby ( insert name here ) decide" . Pretty soon someone is bound to get the hint. ( they may think youre "losing it " but hey it will get the job done ) . Or, just walk past the fridge to hubby, hand him the sippy cup and say " I will let you get this, I have a high-stakes game of Candyland going in the back . And then walk off. I know as a stay-at-homer myself, everyone expects you to do everything !!This gives them a little motivation to do it themselves. LOL good luck

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