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An old one, but a good one to remember at this time of year! 
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who
puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can.
And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of
year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!
3 . If something comes with gravy, use
it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand
alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask
if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim,
pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to
a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food
for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you
exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in
January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time
for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat
of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really
good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in
the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and
don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them
again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin.
Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake?
Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost.. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel
terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table,
you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over,
but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this
motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, Glass of wine in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO
what a ride!"
Have a Great Holiday Season!
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who
puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can.
And quickly. It's rare. You can't find it any other time of
year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think.
It's Christmas!
3 . If something comes with gravy, use
it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand
alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask
if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim,
pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an
automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to
a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food
for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you
exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in
January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time
for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet
table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat
of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really
good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in
the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and
don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them
again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin.
Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake?
Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost.. I mean, have some
standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel
terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table,
you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over,
but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this
motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, Glass of wine in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO
what a ride!"
Have a Great Holiday Season!