How should I handle a rude sister in law?

For months my sister in law kept saying over and over again when I talked to her on the phone I can't wait til christmas eve but your probably not coming and I told her I would be going. So we ended up going and the moment we walked into the door my sister in law started saying some rude things. Like Oh i didnt think you were going to make it and what are you doing here. After we were there for about 15 minutes people that my daughter didnt know started getting into her face talking to her and she started to cry cause she wasnt familiar with them and she was also teething that night which made her a little fussy also. My sister in law and her boyfriend said over and over again its my husbands and my fault. My daughter hasnt seen my sister in law since she was a few months old cause she never comes over to visit. She is a trouble maker so I stay away from her. She also made me made cause she told my mother to back off and stay away from her granddaugher. How should I handle this?I don't want to mess up things between my husband and his sister but I dont want any trouble either cause he's sister has already caused a fight between my husband and I.I told her over and over again that we were going over her house that night but she kept repeating the same statement over and over again even though i reassured her so I quit calling her cause it got on my nerves.

you avoid her.

You should of told her why didn't she know that you would be coming over? You told her, what's so hard to understand about that? As for your daughter teething, you should of told her babies do that in case she didn't know. Don't believe you? Ask her mother, she'll tell her she wasn't born with all of her teeth but if she wants to show her stupidity and think differently, more power to her. Tell her she doesn't know your mother like you do but she will have to find out on her own what your mother will and will not tolerate. Your mother needs to go off on her. That'll teach her that not everyone is gonna put up with her BS.

Well honey I feel for you inlaws can be a real pain unfortunately. Even more unfortunately, I don't think there is a real cure all. I mean she obviously has a deeply rooted resentment towards you and I don't know why, if you think about it really hard you may be able to realize something though. Could be though, that she is just jelous of you. I mean especially if your husband and him are close or maybe went through something heavy together, things of that nature. You know until she realizes her own issues she won't change. Anything you say will just make things worse because she doesn't want to get along with you she will not!! You're just going to have to learn how to 'handle' her. I use this term loosely. I truely mean 'manipulate'. You're just gonna have to learn to predict what her response to anything you say or do will be. Don't say anything she can twist just always be extremely general with her. Always be polite, smile through your gritted teeth haha You know, just be very adult and mature and if she looses it and starts acting like a real witch be as nice as possible and just kind of look at her and everyone like what the heck is wrong with this chick. The more you don't react to her the more you keep your cool the more she will lose hers. If you are the calm cool assertive one she has no choice but to play the other role so to speak, because she wants to. You come out on top looking like the bigger person. I just want to make sure you understand that I don't mean kiss her back side I just mean maintain yourself. Stay composed and just learn to be very agreeable while in her company. Don't let her cause fights between you and her husband. Don't let her get you all frazzled YOU decide what YOU feel not her!!!

Somethings will never change. Keep your distance.

I wouldn't deal with her, let her know you didn't marry her you married her brother. Seems to me she just wants to give you a hard time, never let them see you sweat, smile and keep moving.

It is a shame that someone has to be like that. I guess her family is used to her. Ignoring her is probably the best thing, but that is hard to do sometimes. You have to go to family events with your husband, but you also don't have to go to each one. I pick and choose so that I can maintain some sort of sanity. If your husband wants you to be with him at these events, he should try to talk to his sister in a non-confrontational way about her behavior. Or maybe you should record her at an event and play it back for her. I did a video of a family event and my aunt and mom were always telling me that I didn't fit in with their side of the family, I was just like my father. Well, my aunt said that to me on the video and when she watched the replay and heard her words, the shock on her face was so funny. I guess she didn't realize how it sounded until she heard it.Good luck!

First of all, remember the first rule - the problem is between you and your sister in law NOT your brother. Take it up with her, go to lunch and discuss the issues you have with her. If she isn't mature enough to resolve the issue, then agree to disagree. Tell her that the two of you don't have to be best friends but keep it civil for the family and the brother and of course the children. Good luck, I KNOW where you are coming from.