Honestly, your spouse is being a little unreasonable. You already takes on a lot of responsibility. Perhaps he/she should try to take on a little work. If they threaten to throw everything away, apparently they are angry about something and maybe what is truly bothering them is not the house but something much deeper. You should try to talk to your spouse and explain that you do not appreciate ulimatum, you are not a child that should be punished for misbehavior. But when you do this, do it in a calm manner, you would not want to upset your spouse (especially if they are abusive--verbally or physically) But it is important that they realize that some new rules must be set and that you two are long over due for a heart to heart discussion. But back to the initial question I think you should clean the house the best you can and what ever does not get done, just does not get done. there is no use of putting too much stress on yourself because then who is going to be left to take care of your family if you become ill or worst. Just talk to your spouse and explain how you feel, if they love you they will understand. If this does not work and they start throwing things away, maybe you should tell them that this is not allowable since all of the belongining are not theirs and you will call the authorities. I hope it does not come to this, just make sure you do not put yourself in a situation where he or she has the ultimate control, this could be dangerous. Just use your best judgment on the time, place and manner on which you will tell him or her. Hope everything works out, and be safe. Good luck